A Long-Lasting, Loving Marriage

Walter and I recently were invited to speak on the subject of marriage to a couples Sunday School class at church. We took on the project in much fear and trepidation. People think that if you have survived forty-three years of marriage, you must have some special secrets. Well, we have no secrets and no advice that is particularly new or sensational, but we found it to be a very rewarding and fun experience to put together our presentation. Of course, Walter begins with a joke—

Adam in the Garden of Eden was very lonely. He asked God about it, and God said, “I’ll tell you what—I will get you a wife. She will be very beautiful and intelligent. She will say kind words, fulfill your every need, cook your food, clean your house, and be devoted to you.” Adam thought that sounded wonderful. “But how much will she cost me?” God replied, “She will cost you an arm and a leg.” Adam thought about it and then asked God, “What could I get for a rib?”

Then we proceeded to let the people get to know us a little better. We told them about ourselves, our story, our backgrounds, and how we met. Walter met the Lord at the University of Maryland through the testimony of Don Shinnick, a football player for the Baltimore Colts. Then he came to Columbus, Ohio, to Capital University where he met me. While we were there, we used to drive out to attend a Bible Church in West Jefferson. Walter loves to tell how the high school girls at church used to fight over sitting beside him. He was really perplexed with this problem, so Pastor Dave suggested to him that he just pretend that he was going with me. “But I couldn’t do that—Marie will think I’m interested in her!” And he tells about falling in love with me through my letters one summer. Truth was, I just needed someone to “talk to” after coming into a personal relationship with Jesus myself. I had been really impressed with the kids in a small Bible study at Cap who seemed serious about the things of God and talked about Jesus as if he were real!

We were married at that Bible Church in June of 1964. I related some of the advice we were given at our wedding shower there. One young married friend told Walter never to put his dirty socks on the dresser. The pastor’s wife told us never to go to bed mad. Others said, “Live within your income” and “Go easy on the credit cards.”

I reminded them that the secrets to a successful marriage are not really secrets—you’ve probably heard them before. And we related a few of those keys we had found to be important:

Commitment to God
It is most important for each marriage partner to have accepted the Lord Jesus Christ into his/her life. In a Christian marriage, both must be believers, committed to the Lord. Their wedding vows are promises to God and cannot be taken lightly.

Commitment to one another
Our commitment is to one another until “death us do part.” Our Pastor Dave who married us had a question he asked of all prospective couples: “Can you think of any circumstance whereby you would ever get a divorce?” If they answered yes, he would refuse to marry them.

Listening to your spouse
It is very important to patiently listen to your spouse when he/she wants to talk. Often a wife (or husband) just wants to vent, to tell about the problems she had that day, and she really doesn’t want you to solve her problems, she just wants you to listen. Give her a sympathetic ear to show her that you care. She doesn’t want your “You ought to do this or that.”

Understanding that men and women are different
It took me a long time to “get” this. God made men and women different. They think differently, they are programmed differently. When I learned that, it helped me a lot!

I inserted this anecdote:
While attending a marriage seminar dealing with communication, Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor, “It is essential that husbands and wives know each other’s likes and dislikes.” He addressed the man, “Can you name your wife’s favorite flower?” Tom leaned over, touched his wife’s arm gently and whispered, “It’s Pillsbury, isn’t it?”

Submission
A big issue in the past has been submission. I was taught early in my marriage that I was responsible to obey my husband and the elders of the church. They were responsible to God to lead. I had the attitude that I would always submit to the judgment of my husband. If he was wrong, it was not my fault, I was just obeying him and the elders. Then I learned that I must take responsibility for myself. I must face the issues, seek God for myself, and express my opinion to my husband. Blind obedience was a cop-out for me. The Bible not only says, “Wives, submit to your husbands,” it also declares, “Submit to one another.”

Continuing education
We have found it very helpful in our marriage to read books and attend classes and seminars that will improve our marriage. We are growing up and growing wiser as we grow older together. One thought I gleaned at one marriage seminar was that as each of us draws closer to God, we will be drawing closer to each other at the same time. (I use an illustration. The top circle represents God. The other circles are husband and wife. As they get closer to God, they automatically get closer to one another.)

Agreeing to disagree
It’s okay to have your opinion. It may be different from your mate’s opinion on some issues. Can you agree to disagree agreeably?

Freedom
We must allow each other to pursue his/her own individuality, interests and uniqueness. Don’t smother your spouse. Walter supports me in my projects, my Chicken Lady activities (See, he’s wearing a tie with chickens on it!) and my crazy Red Hat antics (I’m wearing my purple dress and red hat today). And I enjoy the sound of Walter’s Cowboys game on television, although I don’t understand the game of football.

Forgiving
Forgiveness is a necessary every-day ingredient in marriage. Be the first to say “I’m sorry.” Forgive and overlook the other’s faults. I have learned that even if I am right in an argument, I am wrong if I have a bad attitude, and I need to apologize.

Sharing
A good marriage involves sharing your thoughts, dreams, hopes, fears, concerns. Your spouse is your best friend and confidante.

Laughter
Laugh often with and at one another. Humor will help you through the tough and mundane times. Laugh together and cry together.

Healthy choices
Take care of your body not just for your own sake, but for the sake of your spouse and your family. Eat properly. Exercise regularly. Avoid destructive habits.

Respect
Show respect to one another and honor one another. Be polite and kind to one another as you would be with any friend or stranger.